Should I pluck the stars for you? Count them
One, Two, Three! With the stars we’ve lost
WE ARE THIRTEEN STARS! ✯
Ah where do I start? “Love is a sickness. Can I get a witness?” Lemme begin with Tablo’s awesome quote that goes really well with what I feel ;;c
I’ve written so many lovely birthday texts for Heechul but unfortunately I don’t possess the editing or gif-making skills that many talented individuals here have ^.^’ I don’t really know how to put everything that he means to me into a text that’s why I chose to write a huge part as a birthday present, and this one as a discharge gift. At the mean time, I wanted this one to be somehow special1004. Anyway, I first found my ultimate bias, Kim Heechul, when Super Junior’s “Mr Simple” teaser video showed up on my YouTube homepage. The moment I saw it, I was fascinated by him, his looks, his everything. I knew, I just knew that Heechul was my favorite. He just looked so mysterious; I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Have you ever seen someone so attractive that you can’t even look at them because it’s like you’re embarrassing yourself? It’s tough being a girl when there are so many hot princes like you babe are around. Btw, isn’t there a saying that when you like a person it may trigger your motherly feels? I think that part of Heechul is the reason why I really really really like really indulged myself into him.It’s not only your looks, please, I’m not shallow. I just remembered an adorable quote of L.J. Smith which matches what I mean: “You don’t love someone because of their looks or their clothes or their cars. You love them because they sing a song only your heart can understand.” That’s why I have to mention “Chobyeol” and your collaboration with Kim Jang Hoon in “Break ups are so like me” here.
I’ve always thought that I was the unlucky one to only discover Heechul’s talent right after the Mr Simple promotion, when he was due for enlistment; However, at least I’m pleased that I knew his existence from his hang out with the Chocoball members and as UKNOW I was a really hardcore Primadonna—but looking back, I really think I couldn’t have been luckier. Other than rumours of band splitting up and our biases dating someone (a girl, not the band mate that we’re shipping him with), I suppose the next thing that K-pop fans dread would be our bias’ enlistment. I must say that I have it really easy. Okay, let’s start this from the beginning shall we? When I heard that you would be leaving SuJu temporarily for your military duties, I was heartbroken. I had only discovered your wonderful self about a month before, and I remember the day you left :’( it upset me a lot because I have never actually gotten to get that excited over a new photo of you at the airport or a new fancam, and just the thought that you are far away depressed me. I’ve gone through a flurry of changes since it has been two years of watching Super Junior go about their schedules and promotions without you, then I’ve had lots of problems about wickedly fangirling over another super junior member just to forget about being extremely hopeless without my ultimate bias and even sometimes my memory of you would fade, just a little. Yet, I’ve struggled with them: all it would take is a music video where you’re being you and I would remember, as clear as day, why you are and always have been my number #1.
I now understand army girlfriends (since I believe I am part of them) Military relationships are the product of many tears born both in happiness and despair. They are nights alone wondering where he is, and if he’s safe. It’s looking at pictures, knowing that it’s the only way you can see his face; wishing if you could have his clothes to smell them, not washing them until they’ve lost his scent. But it’s all worth it in the end, since you know you have one of the purest loves in the world because your man truly knows the meaning of honor, courage and commitment. Not only to the military but to you. And that makes everything worthwhile. Nobody can deny that all this long period, you’ll feel like you want to give up but then you have to remember that distance is only temporary. You will at one point or another get so overwhelmed with the distance that a part of you will no longer want to continue. I’ve been there and I’ll be there again in the future. Because distance is ridiculous! It’s arduous with all of that, mocking the fact that your spouse is hundreds or thousands of miles away. It might sound pathetic, ikr yet may I just believe you’re mine ‘till the day you’ll find someone special1004 in your life? A wife maybe? :3 Anyway, here is the key, he will come back home and eventually the distance will close. Lemme give you a little advice that really worked with me: Don’t keep a countdown of every day because it will seem to take forever (even though I did). First, keep a countdown of months, then weeks, then days. It’s all about keeping your head up and staying patient. You can do this! You are one day closer already. Just remember that “Every second apart is a second closer to being together.” That way, the time will go by faster and you won’t be looking at 700+ days. Just stay busy, be productive with your time, and communicate as much and as best as you can. Because remember, no matter how far away they are you have someone who loves you like crazy, who would give you the world if they could, and who would do anything to be with you again even if that means waiting ;)
I’ve always uttered: ‘We’ll wait for you. Always keep your beautiful face up. I’ll look forward to tomorrow, because it’s one day closer to the next moment we’ll meet again. He would become an even greater person after this, and I will too, we will too. So that when he returns he will see how strong we have been all this time. I cried for a while, but then I’ve waited with a grin, the way our Heenim wanted us to. :) Smile because there are only few days and he’ll return. Beam ‘cause from the seemingly endless three digits, we’ll indeed reach one digit while counting every day ㅠ_ㅠ. 희님아 보고싶다.” And trust me those words were the reason one I’ve waited that long time without neither being faded nor jaded… My love towards him knows no boundaries, distance, nor time. And my only thought was to make you mine. Love travels the miles on angels’ wings. And if returned, it means everything.
Thereafter, when time passed by, I was really delighted. All these while, it didn’t really feel like he was that far away. Frankly, I spent that time looking for million things I didn’t know about him. After the Mr simple teaser, I saw you in “No Other” with that “My Chemical Romance” shirt and glasses, standing out from the other members and something clicked. I wanted to know more about you. I started listening to other Super Junior songs and talking to ELFs and slowly started to learn more. Every morning when I wake up, the first, one & only thought is him. In my room filled up with his posters I can only melt inside. Right, I’m a weird bubbly girl who died a million times because of this living angel. Whenever I check my phone, I could see his derp face on my lock screen and it would definitely make my day. Darling, you’re the shadow in the corner of my room. You’re the reason why I feel sick in the morning. You’re the panic attack at the end of the day. I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. Yes, I would die for you, baby. But you won’t do the same… Besides, my mom always complains why would it take me about 15 minutes to get up and all I could say was, “Mom, I’m staring at this lock screen of mine that has Baby Heenim’s face, he’s so eatable, I just can’t.” so woeful? Ikr.
In spite of everything, I’m proud to claim that I’m obsessed by you. Dude, I admire you; it’s just so complicated, I don’t remember and I probably will never understand why it has to be you (still I’m willing to spend my time writing this, and being over-protective towards you). Either it was because you’re being yourself or by virtue of your personality that glitters whenever you open your mouth to speak. You have a reputation of being sharp-tongued, but like every Petal, I know that a soft side resides beneath that devilish look and wit. You’ve been through some hard times; your best friend had to leave and even though you will forever hide your sorrows in that mask of iron and sparkly flamboyant clothes, although no one will know how much sadness you hide in your heart yet the pain could be seen in your face; when I watched the fancam of you crying after Han Geng left it broke my heart, it was as if a wall of protection you had built up around yourself had come tumbling down. Everything in this life is an experiment isn’t it? The more you experiment with it, the better it gets. I will never forget when you were given the latter portion where you shouted “Super Junior”. You were praised by the song composer for doing it well for the first time. You were full of vigor after that and whenever it was time for SJ to perform the song you’d scream really hard. But after few performances, blood started appearing and you coughed out blood after every don’t don stage. Dude you are Stronger than you seem, Braver than you believe and Smarter than you think you are. You’re only human, and I think some people forget that sometimes. You look after those who you hold dear, especially your fellow members Super Junior. You’ve spoken only kind words for those two beautiful and talented Super Junior-M members Henry and Zhoumi who have been going through a tough time recently. You kept an eye out for Donghae, who’s had his fair share of hardship; you looked after Ryeowook and Kyuhyun too. I can tell that you value friendship particularly the ones who are close to your heart thus you have taught me that I should cherish my beloved ones more, as well.
Moreover, you’ve also taught me not to take anyone’s bull, to stand up for myself and those I love when they or I have been wronged. You lashed out at the person who committed such a dreadful act against DB5K Yunho and lashed out at those who thought they could call you a slave and get away with it. Everybody knows that among super junior members you’ve had most of antis judging and saying hurtful things, but I knew you’re worth it. Your honesty and frank outlook on life is a breath of fresh air; you don’t live to please people and you speak realistically with your fans, for which I am so appreciative. I know this would sound so embarrassing, but not too long ago I let people walk all over me. I never answered people back if they were nasty or rude. Nevertheless, thanks to you, I no longer sit back and let people hurt me. I have no problem with calling people out on their actions and not only preventing them for assessing me without any evidence of being wrong but also making them like me the way I am. As a result, I built up my confidence again and I even became more tremendous than before. Even when the tears that are hidden from the world flow, because the dazzling you is with me I can gain strength and laugh again.
Words cannot express how happy I am to have known you.So thank you Kim Heechul, for being born and being the biggest inspiration of my life I’m also gratifiedfor changing it in a significant way while being that amazing and unique person with a fun personality. Keep being yourself, the you that laughs at simply everything, the you that is a big brother to everyone, the you that is passionate about everything you do. Keep on being the gorgeous you that everyone loves.Did I tell you, you were the first person to make me laugh so hard on something that wasn’t blooper and you were one of the reasons why I learned about k-pop? The first variety show I have watched was Immortal Song 2 which was when I heard your wonderful singing. Thank you so much ‘cause if it wasn’t for you I honestly may not have become interested in Super Junior.
I don’t know where to dawn or how to complete this sappy text but I hope you will discharge free from stress, and surrounded by people you adore. I hope the day will be filled with everything you want and that you are able to spend it with everyone you care about. I wish you to find that special girl one day(or you have already?) and marry her so that you would stop whining over that on Sungdong café, trust me whatever decisions you’ll take, I’m going to support and be glad for you. Don’t be sad because you have no girlfriend. It’s okay. I mean seriously, don’t ask for it. heehee. >:) Just have fun with your friends, continue having an awesome life, healthy face as you say. I also desire that you will always be contented and happy since your happiness is really important to us, show your unfeigned laugh to us more often (I know you smile very often and that’s one of the many reasons why I love you) and please stay young at soul because that’s how you’re precious, dear.You’re more than just a celebrity figure, more than my idol, more than anything else because you are yourself and won’t change for anyone.
나쁜 새끼, I miss seeing your face, hearing you sing and joke. I miss your genuine laugh. I miss seeing your radio shows and appreciate all the Weibo updates on behalf of your not-so-little secretary, MiMi. May all your wishes come true. Stay Healthy & safe. You are Supported, Protected, Loved and always will be. Manliest of all Men, you just captured my heart with your breath taking smile and your angel like voice! You’ve always gave me that little heart attack. But it really hurts because you don’t even know that I exist… I look forward to beholding you (through fancams) soon! You’ve returned now and I cannot wait to see you gleam as the Space Big Star you are. Many wishes and blessings to come in your life Heenim, have a very happy comeback you mad bitch lol and hwaiting to you and to the upcoming roads ahead! Stay strong! Always remember that I might not have been with you from the very beginning, but I’ll keep on supporting you till the end henceeven if I have many biases, at the end of the day, only Kim Heechul is where my heart really belongs. ♡♡ I vow to love you as long as we both shall live, and forever after.. Space Big Star… 사랑해!!!
I’d want to dedicate this song to people who cannot endure distance; its lyrics are really going comfort all of you. It’s called “I Wouldn’t Mind” by He Is We. Check it here
I like you best though
at two am
when you’re not worried about the state of your hair
or your job, or the hours you have to slave over once you leave.
I like you best when your only worry
is curling up under my arm
and pressing back
in an attempt to get
that much closer.
Written by Haejaer Kim. The one&only wife of kim heechul.